Ugh. Feeling it.
Updated: Jul 25, 2018
Reason for this post- I’ve woke up feeling totally crap! A step back from where I was at! Which is sh*t. As usual the sh*t thing is I don’t have a reason to feel like this. I feel so anxious and guilty for no reason at all, I could genuinely crawl back into bed curl up in a ball and cry all day. I thought about doing that for awhile, I thought about how annoying it was that I need to be somewhere for 10 and how I really do not want to go! I’ve debated it but I’ve decided not to do that. I’ve decided to attend my meeting at 10, go for brunch with my friend at 11 and attend an afternoon reading session with my son at school at 14:15. Am I quiestioning whether I have made the right decision? Of course, will I regret it as soon as I arrive at my destination? Absolutely! But will it work in my favour in the long run? Most definitely, I will carry on arguing with myself about doing all of the things I mentioned above and I will most likely continue to kick myself all day for it. But I am hoping that tonight I will get into bed and I will be able to sleep because I have not spent the day sleeping and I will have a satisfactory feeling that it did not win today and In fact I won. Because I still attended everything I was supposed to and I won‘t be filled with guilt about not attending a reading afternoon that my son really wanted me to go to and if I panic and it turns into an attack then I’ll deal with it. I’ll ride it out and I’ll try my absolute best to fight mode it instead of flight.
I hope for anyone who is reading this and feeling like cancelling all your plans that you do the same. Get up and do it, grab your equipment and leave the house, attend your meeting, attend your lunch date, go in to town to pick up the things you need. Do it all. Don’t let it win.
And if today you just really can’t then that is fine, do what will make you feel better today. Have that sleep and I hope you wake up feeling more positive and fresh.
P.s I feel physically sick. Damn you anxiety!
Lots of love xo