• carlalily112

I done it, so can you!

Hello! On Friday I woke to feel very anxious. I felt sick with nerves which was all down to having a long train journey on my own that afternoon and after that journey it meant when I reached my destination I will be more than 2 hours away from my son. My god did I feel sick. I have no reason to despise train‘s, but it still leaves me feeling very doubtful that my journey was going to run smoothly. I mean what if I was to miss my stop? What if I forget what platform I needed to be on and what time? What if the train crashes? Just WHAT IF all these reasons and that is all it is, it’s just what if’s. Anyway by 12 o’clock that afternoon I had already 6 prep talks with myself and I was trying to remind myself that trains really can‘t be that bad, can they? I was travelling down to Cornwall and it was an approx 5 hours journey. You might be thinking well why didn‘t you just drive down. LOL!! I was originally going by car up until the night before because after a week of panicking about driving so far alone on the motorway(may I remind you where so many people drive, especially on a Friday afternoon) I decided not to. So far I’ve learned nothing by swapping transport as I felt no change in feeling only a change in transport.

A few people recommended Kalms and Rescue Remedy to me so I went up to the pharamacy to purchase some. After talking with the pharmacist he adviced me not to take Kalm’s due to the prescribed medication I already take, he advised me that the Kalm’s would interfere which would lead me to experience side effect but due to them being tested differently he would be unsure on what side effects I may experience. Rescue Remedy however was fine for me to take. Brilliant I had something to take the edge of my upcoming journey! I felt a little happier once knowing I had something to fall back on, being so eager to get rid of all the nerves, the sickness and anxiousness I was feeling I resulted in putting 4 drops straight on my tongue. YUK! You can however put 4 drops into a drink of your choice. I did feel slightly more calm a little while after whether that was because I was able to pick my son up from school, squeeze him so tight and give him a thousand kisses I don’t know? But I did feel calmer. The first part of my journey was fine as my first change was only 14 minutes away. After that change I felt much better. But admitedally I had a double pink gin and lemonade. But with a further 4 hours to go I was still feeling hmm about it.

Second part of my journey was better than expected this was down to less people being on the train so at this point I began to feel much more relaxed with the fact there was less people staring, less people to interact with and it was less people to be able to cause harm to me and others around us. ( I know you may be thinking cause harm? But in my brain everyone I don’t know is a potential threat to me )! I listened to my music, admired the view and pulled out my alternative remedy, Cider! Which I was able to enjoy with pleasure and not stress. As my journey went on we was approaching different stops and different people were getting on and/or getting off! I no longer had that consistency a lot of us feel we require. There were people that I had just got used to being around who then reached their destination and I had new people on board who I needed again to assess and familiarise my self with being around them. It sound‘s exhausting and a little strange I know and believe me it is. A couple more drops on the tongue with my rescue remedy and the change in people got easier. I finally reached my destination and I moved to the doors before we had even stopped, eager to finally get off. My boyfriend was on the platform waiting for me so everything felt much better when I seen him. It was finally a face and a person I knew I was safe and comfortable around.

Although after our greetings I remembered that I was now further away from my son which gave me a little turn in my stomache but unbelievably I was able to shut myself down in 5 minutes before my dreadful worry and thoughts escalated. I told myself a couple of time‘s over and over again that my boy was in safe hands and in a couple of days I would be back with him and more than likely pulling my hair out wishing I was still back in Cornwall!

I went on to enjoy my weekend with a satisfactory feeling that I, Carla Selway, me who only two days ago could not even bare the thought of getting on a train on my own let alone riding one for 5 hours! WOW. I felt as though I was finally that person we look at and wish to be like, I was finally feeling a little normal. P.S I am currently on the train home now. Feeling slightly nervous but I have this to write on which takes my mind off. Plus I done it once I can do it again, right?! I’m already moving now, there’s no going back and when I get to the other end I hope to feel that satisfactory feeling all over again, that peace of mind knowing it’s over and that it’s over because I actually done it!

Lots of love xo



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